GET MORE LAUGHTER IN YOUR LIFE!
David Granirer - North America's Psychotherapist/Stand-Up Comic
Volume 1, Issue 6
Editor: David Granirer, mailto:granirer@pro.net
Publisher: David Granirer
<http://www.granirer.com >
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IN THIS ISSUE
1. Welcome from the Publisher
2. Tips For Using Humor With Angry People
3. What's Good Stories
4. Classified Ads
5. Contact Information
PRIVACY STATEMENT: WE WILL NOT DISTRIBUTE YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS TO ANYONE. PERIOD.
1. WELCOME FROM THE PUBLISHER
Hi Folks,
In this month's ezine, in response to a number of requests, I thought I'd take a look at how to use humor with people who are angry. Hopefully what I have to say will make sense both in your professional and personal life.
*****Come Have A Laugh!*****
My stand-up comedy shows continue at Cafe Madeleine, 3763 West 10th Ave, Vancouver. Clean, intelligent comedy in a smoke-free environment, Fridays at 8:00 p.m. Reservations recommended 224-5558. Bring in this newsletter and buy 1 entree, get 2nd for 50% off.
2. TIPS FOR USING HUMOR WITH ANGRY PEOPLE
by David Granirer © 2000
No matter what kind of work you do, chances are that from time to time you come across angry people. And in order to use humor in these situations, it's important to first of all understand the physiology of anger, and how it affects people's ability to communicate and reason.
Basically, when people get angry, the primitive, emotional part of their brain hijacks everything else, diminishing or knocking out their ability to judge, communicate, analyze or reason. The emotional part of the brain also cannot distinguish between a threat that is emotional and an actual physical threat to someone's survival. Therefore, it triggers mechanisms that prepare the body for fight or flight, further impairing judgment, communication, and rational thought.
In these situations, people often cannot hear actual words that are spoken to them, instead responding to voice-tone and body language. Think of times you've been angry. How well have you actually been able to understand what people have said to you?
In these acute phases of anger, responding with humor is usually not a good idea. Because their cognitive abilities are impaired, people are likely to misinterpret this as you laughing at them. Also, angry people respond best to voice-tones and body language which roughly match the intensity of their own. This doesn't mean to get angry when some else is angry, but to address them in a firm tone of voice and use open body language to communicate your interest in what they have to say. Humor or other responses such as being overly calm can be experienced by angry people as mismatching, further escalating their rage. So basically, when someone is in the acute stage of anger, the best thing to do is listen and acknowledge.
The good news about all this is that if you handle the situation well, most people are not physiologically capable of maintaining this acute stage of anger for more than about three or four minutes, at which point they start to defuse. It's once they've defused and their cognitive abilities have returned that you may want to try some gentle, supportive humor. At this point, humor can help ease the transition into problem-solving and create good rapport.
Supportive humor consists of validating the person's feelings while describing the situation he or she experienced in an exaggerated or ironic way. Here are some examples of supportive humorous responses which you can adapt to your situation:
1. "No wonder you're angry. I'd be angry too if I got put on hold for three hours and had to listen to awful elevator music."
2. "It must have driven you crazy to have to deal with our voice-mail system. It drives us crazy too!"
3. "I think I'd go nuts trying to follow my instructions too. No wonder you thought I was out to get you!"
If you have a problem situation which crops up regularly, you may want to have one or two supportive, humorous responses memorized and ready to go, since they can be hard to think of on the spot. Remember that humor doesn't always happen spontaneously, and sometimes a little preparation is necessary.
For free articles about laughter go to
<http://www.granirer.com >
*****GET MORE LAUGHTER IN YOUR LIFE!*****
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<http://www.granirer.com/Products.htm>
3. WHAT'S GOOD STORIES
It's so easy to see all the bad things around us, that sometimes we forget about all the great things that go on. And we need to hear about good things because that gives us hope and inspires us to go out and do more good things.
In this section, I want to hear from you. What's happened in your life that's good? What things have people done that inspire you to be kind to others? What funny things have happened?
Email your short stories to me at granirer@pro.net, and if I publish yours, you get a free copy of my tape "I'm OK But YOU Need Professional Help!"
This month's story is contributed by Allan Friesen of Lethbridge, Alberta:
My family and I were vacationing in Tucson, Arizona. I was in a hurry, trying to pack as much vacation as possible into our allotted days. We were circling the parking lot looking for a place to park. On realizing I had missed a parking space, I stopped abruptly, jammed the car in reverse and backed up. Unfortunately, I backed into a rental car driven by a tourist from Texas. The accident was obviously my fault and I apologized. He was very pleasant and we had a nice chat while we exchanged insurance information.
About three weeks later I received a letter from this Texan tourist. He advised that instead of proceeding with an insurance claim, he had gone and bought some rubbing compound and had removed my paint off his rental car. The damage that remained was insignificant enough that the car rental company didn't even notice.
I was amazed that he would take time out of his vacation to correct my mistake and save me money in the process. I wrote him and thanked him for being so considerate. Next trip I think I'll try Texas.
4. CLASSIFIED ADS
Speakers: Learn how to incorporate stand-up comedy into your
presentations. Check out David's stand-up comedy skills coaching
for presenters at: < http://www.granirer.com/ComedyCourse.htm >
5. CONTACT INFORMATION
David Granirer gives laughter in the workplace presentations for hundreds of organizations throughout North America. For more information on his presentations, stand-up comedy, products, and articles call (604) 205-9242 or go to http://www.granirer.com
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